Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
