the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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