I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
