It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
