I wish my penis had an off switch
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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