Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
