I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Your cock deserves a montage
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
