I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
