Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
