Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize