Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
