So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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