I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize