So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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