so that wasnt chicken after all
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
