also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
