What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
