True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
this just has baby written all over it
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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