She said her name was "party"
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
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