My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
