If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
