I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
