i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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