He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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