all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize