So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
