if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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