She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
