i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
