somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
