i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
