I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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