i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
