Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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