So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
