loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
