Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
