so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
