I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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