3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
