yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
