dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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