Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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