I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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