dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
