Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
