Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
