In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
