Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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