went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
