I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
