She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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