do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize