My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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