I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
