You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
