I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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