Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
