Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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