Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
