Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
