o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize