That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
