I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
